he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
