I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
