there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
