would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
