the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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