went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
