She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
