Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
