I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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