My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
