I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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