I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
