you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize