Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
