we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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