I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
