explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize