I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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