from now on my penis is your penis
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
