my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
