Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
