i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
