Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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