did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
