Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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