My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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