He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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