the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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