i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
