For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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