would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
