Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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