Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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