i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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