Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
