YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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