Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
