then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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