I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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