There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
