my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
