i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
