I am in a vortex of obligation.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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