new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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