and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize