i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize