Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
