hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize