so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize