it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
