I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
