I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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