My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize