I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
