puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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