oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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