You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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