Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
