This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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