He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
