you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
