I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Randomize
