I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
