first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
