I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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