did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
