Acid is not a monday night drug
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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