her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
