The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
