chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
